Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
The saddest happiness
He was happiest when he wrote.. But to write, his heart had to bleed. When his heart bled, it broke. When his heart broke, he became sad. When he was sad, he would begin to write. He was happiest when he wrote..
No poetic utterances here. No allegories, clichés, or illustrations.
No. Nothing but very raw emotion.
Numerous small events have compiled into one giant numbing realization. A realization so broken that I cannot bear for it to cascade onto this page.
Two years ago, I determined, in this tiny corner of the web, that I would never write of love again. I have kept that promise. When I swore off writing of love, I stopped writing. Writing was what I loved. I had always thought that I believed in love because I wrote. This was not the case. I wrote because I believed in love.
I do believe in love for others. But for myself? Honestly? Deep down, I don't. I say that I do because I long for that hope to return.
It does shake one's faith a bit when you believe you've heard from heaven... And you were dead wrong. Opportunities present themselves occasionally. Opportunity is not always a good idea.
This is really a shamble of thoughts that have been pacing through my consciousness. In summary, I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I've lost close friends, ruined relationships, and just simply feel inadequate.
No. Nothing but very raw emotion.
Numerous small events have compiled into one giant numbing realization. A realization so broken that I cannot bear for it to cascade onto this page.
Two years ago, I determined, in this tiny corner of the web, that I would never write of love again. I have kept that promise. When I swore off writing of love, I stopped writing. Writing was what I loved. I had always thought that I believed in love because I wrote. This was not the case. I wrote because I believed in love.
I do believe in love for others. But for myself? Honestly? Deep down, I don't. I say that I do because I long for that hope to return.
It does shake one's faith a bit when you believe you've heard from heaven... And you were dead wrong. Opportunities present themselves occasionally. Opportunity is not always a good idea.
This is really a shamble of thoughts that have been pacing through my consciousness. In summary, I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I've lost close friends, ruined relationships, and just simply feel inadequate.
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